A little bit about myself…I recently retired after a 39-year career in the U.S. Army, in and out of uniform. I share this because that is my lived experience, and although I have many other experiences and “civilian” friends, and have studied outside of the military bubble, it remains my deepest reference point. You might ask, So what? I firmly believe that the military, and our Army, does get more than a few things right. We have to because we’re an organization blended from across the wide spectrum of our society, and charged with a very serious mission. So how we treat others, our teammates, matters a great deal, both for those in and out of uniform, all of whom swore the oath.

I read a lot, try to read widely, and try to remain open to different perspectives. Always have done. Since retiring I have spent more time reading about and around this idea (ideal?) of Civility, mainly due to my perception that its opposite, incivility, seems to be on the rise. The “why” and “what can be done” thoughts will follow in other posts. But I think I can distill thousands of pages of reading, hours of discussions (mostly listening), and exploration across the web, into the following:

Civility is the intentional action of a singular, flawed human navigating life’s challenges with an outward-focused lens built on dignity, respect, and consideration of others. When approached properly, Civility means you are “always on” in the constant struggle between self-interest and doing what is morally required, both in the particular situation, and perhaps more important, as a duty to others. My former co-workers in Bavaria will have heard me call it “Human Being 101.” Sounds easy but I think anyone reading this will know just how exhausting this can be in practice, and I would argue NO ONE gets it right all, or maybe even most, of the time.

And one additional note. Civility is not to be confused with politeness or manners. That’s a discussion for another time. I’ll leave this for now and build on these thoughts in further posts. Some things to think about as we navigate our shared humanity together:

• Where have we gone off the rails (if indeed we have)?
• Where is civility being taught, or being modelled? What happened to our “moral exemplars?”
• What is the impact of the internet and social media on our ability to see and hear others through the lens of dignity, respect, compassion, and kindness.
• How do we get beyond fear and the demonization of the “other” to develop our empathy muscles and recognize the inherent dignity of our fellow humans, flawed as we all are?